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Restored Republic via a GCR: Update as of Dec. 16, 2018

Restored Republic via a GCR: Update as of Dec. 16, 2018 Compiled 16 Dec. 12:01 am EST by Judy Byington, MSW, LCSW, ret. CEO, Child Abuse R...

Sunday, June 17, 2018

"A Letter from my Father" by E-J - 6.17.18

Entry Submitted by E-J at 12:11 AM EDT on June 17, 2018



Hey Gals and Guys ...

15 years ago I was living in London and was Addicted to More Drugs than I care to remember ...

I was , what you would call a Functional Addict ...

Let me explain what this means in a bit more detail ...

I did Drugs every day from when my eyes opened till I went to sleep at night , I still worked every day and did what most people did , i was just on drugs and no one was the wiser ...

I led a double life and pulled it off most days but you can only keep it up for so long before you Start to Crash and Burn every other week .....

Living off a few hours of sleep a night , some times missing out on sleep for a few days while still working and interacting with society , you can only cope for so long before you Crash and Burn again ...

My Life Was A Never Ending Cycle Of Building My Self Up , To Break My Self Down , And Start All Over Again ...

So one gets Very Good and Picking Your Self Up and Rebuilding what You Broke Down ....

Now I've written about My Abusive Father before , but if you have missed it here's a brief summary ...

My Dad was a Religious Violent Narcissist and we had a Very Strained relationship for as long as I can remember ...

After moving to London from South Africa , we Never spoke , I could not get far enough away from him and I harboured a Lot of Anger and Resentment Towards from all the Beatings and Verbal Abuse ....

One of the drugs I was Addicted to was called Ketamine , used in any thing from Anesthetic in Babies to Animals , even in Shamanic Rituals ...

When you watch a wild life program and they Dart the Animal to put it to sleep , thats Ketamine ...

A little known fact to , is the first injection when they give you the lethal injection is Ketamine ...

It's as Close to a near death experience you can have , it's a System Reboot I liked to call it ...

Please Dont Judge This Article , I Don't Judge Your Life Choices and Never Will , Not My Place ...

Your Contract Your Rules ...

My Contract My Rules .....

Experiences are Best Experienced ...

Lessons are Best Learnt ....

Life is Best Lived ...

It was after one of these Reboots as I was coming around again , I got thinking of my Father and how he was Only a Man ....

The Moment You Realise Your Parents are Just People , and They Make Mistakes Just Like We Do Is A Massive Ah Ha Moment in Ones Life ...

I thought to My Self Who Am I to Judge My Father trying to take Care of 4 children , doing the best he could ..

When I can't even look after My Self Properly ....

I called My Father back home straight away ....

My Father picked up , we had some small talk before , I Thanked My Father for Every Thing I had as a Child ....

A Nice Home , A Good Education , Vacations by the Sea and I Was Never Hungry ...

My Father was Stunned and went Very Quiet , his next words were ...

" Even The Bad Times ? " ....

My reply , " Dad , If We Did Not Have The Bad Times How Would We Know What The Good Times Were " ....

I Told My Father " I Love You Dad " ...

We ended the conversation there , and as I got off the phone a Feeling of Love and Serenity Washed over me .....



Now Me Forgiving/Letting Go of Any Ill Feelings towards My Father is Not Agreeing that being Punched in the Face or Kicked in the Ribs and Being Screamed at is ....

OK , ON ANY LEVEL ......

But by My Actions I Set My Self Free from the Situation ....

A month later I got " A Letter from My Father " .... [ The only letter I've ever received in my life from my Dad ]

His words were , this a Summary ....

" It Is Easy To Become a Dad but it is Very Hard to be Be a Good Father , I have Given You Everything Materially , but I Never Gave You LOVE " , Please Forgive Me and Can We Start Over " ...

I was Blown away , I had never heard My Father Admit he was wrong EVER and My Father was NOT and Open Feeling Kinda Guy .....

The Next 2 years My father and I Talked Every Week and had the Best Relationship I've Ever had with Him ....

My Father Died Not Very Long After That .....

I Was Illegally in the UK at that time , My Visa had Run Out , and could Not leave the UK , to Go Home for My Fathers Funeral as I would Not be allowed back in ....

It was OK , We had Made Peace and That One Phone Call , is the Most Important Phone Call I Have EVER Made ...

I showed the letter to My Family Years later , I was the Only Family Member My Dad Apologised To and Opened Up To , they Still talk of Amazing that is .....

I've helped Many Friends make Peace with there Parents after that ...

And Learnt Forgiveness/Letting Go , is A Beautiful Healing Energy ...

I Harbour I'll Feelings Towards Any Body .....

If Your Need To Be Right , Outweighs Your Need For Inner Peace , Hmmmmm .... [ take a leap of Faith , You might be surprised ]

Please don't hang onto Feelings of Anger or Resentment , They will Eventually make You Il...

Do What You Want , Free Will ..

I Have Learnt I Know Nothing and Get Things Wrong All The Time ....

I DONT Need To Be Right ...

But I DO Need To Be ME ....

" None But Ourselves Can Free Our Minds " ....

I Love You All ....

E-J



Ps : " Why Obi Wan Kenobi , thinks E-J is a Tool " ...

About 17 years ago in London , I was a Sales manager at a Motorbike Dealership [ Ktm ] in London ...

One of our customers was Ewan McGregor [ Obi Wan Kenobi ] ....



It was Not long after he had done his 1st Star Wars movie [ The Phantom Menace ]...

He used to come into the shop every once in a while to get his bike serviced and have a chat about some new models ...

Just before Ewan arrived that day , I had sneaked off to the bathroom to go have a line of Ketamine [ my daily routine ] ...

As I stepped back into the show room , Ewan was sitting at my desk waiting to chat about some bikes ....

We started chatting about how Ewan and his friend Charlie were thinking about doing an Around The World Trip on Big Off Road Motor Bikes , maybe on KTM' [ that's a Brand of motorbike ] , they ended up on BMW's for the Trip ...

As we were discussing all there options I started to Come On , The Ketamine I had just had in the bathroom ....

Now there's a VERY Fine Line with Ketamine , between Heightened Awareness and Loss of Muscle Control ....

So as I'm Talking to Obo Wan Kenobi , I start loosing control over my Vocal Chords ....

Now I'm in a Heightened State of Awareness and I'm Starting To Mumble at Obi Wan ...

Imagine having a Mouth Full of Marbles and shoving all you fingers in your mouth as well and try and talk ...

So now I'm Full Mumble at Obi Wan Kenobi , and He has this Confused look on his face of WTF is Wrong With This Dude .....

I'm Screaming inside My Head " Not Now E-J , Eeeeeeek " ....



I'm Mumbled Incoherently at Obi Wan for a Couple minutes fully aware of what I sounded like , till He gave Me one last Confused look and walked away ....

I went and Hid in the store room for 30 minutes , until I could talk again , but by then he was gone ...



So that's , "Why Obi Wan Kenobi thinks E-J is a Tool " ....

I went home that day and told the English guys I was living in a shared house with , what had happened , they were all like " Nooo Bro , Your Such A Dick " ...

I saw Obi Wan again a few months later in the bike shop and he was nice enough to give me a signed copy of Star Wars [ The Phantom Menace ] .....

Again There Is A Lesson In There Some Where .....



" Happy Fathers Day Family " ...

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