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Tuesday, May 23, 2017

"What’s So Scary About Vladimir Putin?" by Tweedy Bird - 5.23.17

Entry Submitted by Tweedy Bird at 5:11 PM EDT on May 23, 2017


The average American mindset when it comes to the venerable Mr. Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin is that he is a despotic Communist dictator who murders his enemies and poisons journalists that defy his propaganda-spewing media machine. Americans think that because that’s what the US propaganda-spewing media machine tells them to think about Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin. And also because they read it on Facebook. Or Twitter.

So, is this true? Has America been purchased on the cheap by a despotic Communist dictator who, along with his fellow Communist comrade Xi Jinping, plans on turning this country into a mini version (have you ever noticed how huge Russia is?) of his vodka soaked and polar bear riddled breadlines-for-days country?

He could do it, you know. From all appearances he now wags the stiffest military on the planet, and reportedly has ultimate control of ours and everyone else’s, meaning he pretty much owns the keys to this whole place, right? Well if so, it’s probably time we found out who this guy really is, shall we? Let’s begin with his name.

It’s hard to imagine that a new mother would look down on her sweet little blue-eyed baby boy and say, “I think I’ll name this little bundle Vladimir Vladimirovich.” That just wouldn’t happen here in a country that names their kids Bristol, Willow, Track, Piper, and Trig. Yet, despite the fact one burns 17 calories just trying to pronounce the name Vladimir Vladimirovich, he came by this name by noble Slavic tradition – all Russian children take the father’s first name as their middle name.

For example, a man called Vladimir has a son Aleksey and a daughter Svetlana. The son would be called Aleksey Vladimirovich, and the daughter Svetlana Vladimirovna. Vladimir Putin’s father’s name was Vladimir Spiridonovich Putin, so in his case he was given both his father’s first name and the “patronymic” of his father’s first name. (The patronymic of Russian naming is formed by adding the suffixes –ovich or –evich for male middle names and –ovna or –evna for females.) By the way, in Russia it is necessary to use both first and middle names when addressing people in formal, hence why the despotic Communist dictator is always publicly referred to as Vladimir Vladimirovich.

So let’s go there next. Is Vladimir Vladimirovich (I’ve heard his close friends call him VV for short, but I’m sticking with Vladimir Vladimirovich) (just…because) a despotic Communist dictator? Would it surprise you to know that not only is Vladimir Vladimirovich not a Communist at all but that the Communist party is not really much of a big deal in Russia these days, not since the United Russia Party became a governing juggernaut under the TLC of Vladimir Vladimirovich?

It’s true.

And would it further surprise you to know that the President's in-country approval rating was 86.1% as of the last week of February? Looks like the Russians love their president. Despotic dictator or not. (Probably not.)

Now for the vodka and the polar bears and the breadlines. It is hard to speak for the country as a whole, but Mr. Putin appears to be somewhat of a teetotaler. He can be seen making the occasional social toast with perhaps some Chardonnay, or making some other kind of ceremonial gesture with representatives from the widely diverse cultures of Russia (Russia is a multi-national state with over 185 unique ethnic groups designated as nationalities*), but he hardly seems the partier. In fact, he’s a rabid health nut. An uber rabid health nut.

(*I pause here to reiterate that this president is successfully capable of governing over 185 unique ethnic nationalities, as compared to a succession of US presidents that have never been able to dignify five or six. This is a feather for Vladimir Vladimirovich’s cap.)

Vladimir Vladimirovich is a disciplined individual, applying the philosophies of Judo – of which he holds a Black Belt – in all areas of his life, his politics in particular (as we have seen in his stellar shuttering of the Old World Order) (thanks for that, by the way). His physical health at age 64 is impeccable and his mental health even sharper. He is a well-studied intellect who speaks five languages fluently, including English. He is a chess master (from which he also admittedly draws core operating values), is an avid animal lover and horseman, and he holds his own on the hockey ice.

He’s fit to run the world.

Now on to those polar bears.

Ok, it turns out polar bears really are a thing in Russia. Several months ago a team of five Russian scientists had to barricade themselves in a hut on a remote Arctic island after being attacked by a pack of 10 adult bears and some cubs who ate one of their dogs.

After being trapped for 10 days a nearby ship was able to reach the island and supply the scientists with more dogs and flares to scare off the bears, one of which

had taken to spending nights beneath the station’s windows.

So, yeah, polar bears are a thing. Bears are both a symbol of Russia and a characterization of both the positive and negative image of the country. Vladimir Vladimirovich is a bear. Just ask Benjamin Netanyahu.

And that brings us to breadlines.

Today, there are no more breadlines in Russia. There were terrible breadlines in Russia during some ugly moments of Russian history, but Russians don’t dwell on that. They embody a fierce loyalty to their Motherland, and although they hold dear their cultural traditions, they are a forward-looking people. They have to be. Because of those ugly breadline moments in their history, the current population of the Russian Federation as of Sunday, May 21, 2017 is a mere 143,382,275 people, based on the latest UN estimates. Although Russia is the largest country in the world by surface area, covering more than one-eighth of the Earth's inhabited land area, Russia’s population is equivalent to just 1.91% of the total world population.

That’s just sad.

Vladimir Vladimirovich personally awards families who are willing and able to have more than one or two children. Personally. He pays mothers to stay at home and have more children rather than find work outside the home. Vladimir Vladimirovich is anti-depopulation. He thinks people are a good thing.

‘Nuff said about breadlines.

So what do we think about this guy now, folks? Still all scary and despotic-like? Still buying the propaganda? From here in my birdcage looking out over the world, he kinda looks like a big old puddy tat to me. But that’s just me.



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