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The TETELESTAI (It is finished) email which will contain the first 800#'s will be posted first on a private page and will be sent out to everyone subscribed to the private page's feed.

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Featured Post

"The Domino Plan!" - One Who Knows - 5.27.17

Entry Submitted by One Who Knows at 3:33 PM EDT on May 27, 2017 The Domino Plan! Clearly this plan is so complex that it MUST roll out...

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

"A Lightworker's Confession" by Sarah - 5.17.17

Entry Submitted by Sarah at 12:53 PM EDT on May 17, 2017

Grandfather, Elders, Republic Military and Intelligence, and exchange center personnel,

I am a ZIM holder, but I guess you knew that. I haven't done the best job of remaining anonymous. I've been really excited and possibly a bit too trusting and naive. I was hoping that doing so would inspire and uplift people and that by looking for the good in myself and everyone, I could create a world full of people I could really trust and believe in.

Sometimes that positive outlook seems too good to be true and my fears come back and wreak havoc on my emotions and my perception of what's real and what isn't. To this day.

I didn't pay my taxes this year. I feel that taxation is theft, and I understand that the IRS no longer has any claim to my money.

I have done harm to myself and others.

So many times on this journey I've let my emotions get the best of me and I've forgotten my mission and purpose at times. I've forgotten my true self at times. I've been angry, sad, self-indulgent, demanding, and sometimes I've given love and time and energy to people with the expectation that I would get something back.

I have a hard time trusting myself sometimes because I know I can believe I'm doing the right thing when I'm actually living out of alignment with my own integrity.

I have also counseled people. I have been generous and kind. I have loved, hard, in so many ways. I have created things that are meaningful and transformative for myself and others. I have spent much time cultivating love and understanding for myself and the nature of reality. Not because I wanted brownie points, but because it felt like the natural thing to do. It was also a way to heal and soothe the pain and fear I have found within myself and others.

Sometimes it feels natural to be upset, afraid, broken-hearted. Why is that still the case?

Sometimes I feel like a little kid in the body of an adult. Sometimes that feels good, sometimes it doesn't.

I know that all this money isn't going to take away my fears. I know love will, though. So I keep trying to give more love and open up to receiving more love. And I know since everything is love when you get right down to it, even my confusion and sadness is a way for love to be communicated and understood.

There are so many strong people out here that are working so hard for the benefit of humanity. I count myself among you. I want everyone to be able to feel and experience the kinds of love they truly deserve.

I want that for myself too.

And I'm scared. I will admit it. I have worked really hard to remove fear and replace it with understanding and love but there always seems to be more work to do.

So if I'm going to walk into this appointment and get a reality check about how I haven't been able to rise to the occasion yet because of pride, selfishness, greed, lust, envy, and fear... don't bother telling me things I already know. I am humble because I know my own faults as well as the blessing I am. I have been trying to work on my faults and it's helped a lot, but I know I'm not yet exactly the person I want to be and I'm trying to figure out how to get there.

Maybe you guys know more about me than I do. Maybe I'm going to walk in and sit down and someone will say "Sarah, I know your heart and I know you will do great things for the world." I sure hope so. Because that's what I tell myself when I realize that I have done harm to myself or another somehow by giving into fear and doubt and I start trying to heal it.

I know this is all for a reason. I think I understand that the reason is inherently benevolent. So I am asking now to receive the benevolence I am meant to embody and give to the world because I need it. I need help. I need love. I need freedom. I need to create things. I need to give. I need to trust. I need to laugh. And not being able to do so, or feeling unable to do so, is the worst feeling in the world. I want my fear and pain to be turned into love and joy so that I can show others how. But I can't do anything for anyone until I am okay. And honestly? I haven't been for a while. Have any of us? It seems like some of us are so strong and wise and resilient and so sure of all these good things that maybe you guys don't still feel 'not okay' anymore. I admire you and thank you for your example and I hope to get there too someday.

I come to you totally honest and vulnerable even though you already know who I am. And I ask you to understand and forgive me as I try to understand and forgive myself and others. I ask you to judge me based on who I am when I'm really able to be myself, not the battle-worn knot of emotions I feel like I am at times. I'm tired of healing myself and building my strength back up just to watch myself tear it all down again. And I take full responsibility for the negativity I have perpetuated in my perception of myself and others. I know it is me that brought this fear into my heart and it's me that has to find a way to heal it. I do not pity myself or lower myself into a position where I feel that I don't deserve love, mercy, and freedom.

I need those things now more than ever. We all do. Even the worst of the cabal deserves love, mercy, and freedom.

So if I am the one stopping me from unleashing the blessing of my love out onto the world, I humbly step aside.

I am sorry.
Please forgive me.
Thank you.
I love you.

Your sister who is doing her best to learn and heal and love,

Sarah

avalonreturns@protonmail.com

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