Entry Submitted by Heisenberg at 10:14 PM EDT on April 11, 2017
Q: How many lawyer jokes are there?
A: Only three. The rest are true stories.
Every beauty needs to go out with an idiot
How can you stand next to the truth and not see it?
Is it true that perfect love drives out all fear?
The right to be ridiculous is something I hold dear
Oh, but a change of heart comes slow. -U2
And that brings us to tonight's word: BETTER CALL SAUL
Lawyers. Love them or hate them, they're part of the system. Their system, that is. What's that saying? You don't need a lawyer until you need a lawyer. Why is that? Why is the system so obviously set up that we need these people like we would need a doctor to remove a tumor? It's because the fix is in. The fix was in. In this country where all are supposedly created equal, what an ingenious way to keep the masses down. I would admire its brilliance if it wasn't so f***ing sad.
Alright people, put your thinking caps on. We need to find a way that breaks up the family unit and keeps the strongest of those useless eaters from rising up against us. We don't want to kill them, that's not our department. We just want to get them out of the way. Any ideas? Yes, you over there.
How about we create these things called jails? Like big apartment buildings with cages, grey metal doors and barbed wires on them and we find reasons to throw them all in there. Even like little things like stealing bread to feed your family. Big or small short or tall, we'll stuff them all in there.
Great thinking, Ephraim. Anyone else? Yeah I've got one. Let's create these guys called lawyers and they'll have their own language that nobody understands. We'll call it legalese. And we'll create all these laws and all these rules that nobody gets. So sometimes people who don't even know they're breaking the laws can get thrown in jail too. Outstanding, William. Anyone else?
I would like to give my input. These lawyers, let's make them pledge allegiance to us. Not that they really know they're doing it but I think that would be fun. Great idea, Tad. We're pretty sick here but we're still about having fun, right people? That reminds me, Steven when is my tee time? Okay, what's next? Jeff?
Did anyone see "supersize me"? How about these jails we're talking about, let's multiply them times 50? Everything. Employees, square footage, population. The whole ball of wax. They can be like small cities. Jeff...am I paying you seven-figure salary to just regurgitate McDonald's marketing ideas? Are you seriously bringing "would you like me to super size it?" to the table? Because I LOVE IT! Genius. Okay, who is next?
I got one. You know how humans like to get blottoed? Let's create new super addictive kinds of drugs. Then we'll flood their neighborhoods with these drugs and start arresting them for having any amount. Interesting. I like where you're heading with this. Anyone else?
I have an idea. But do you think it would be immoral if we put these prisoners to work building roads and such for 25 cents an hour? ........LOL *room laughing* I was just kidding. They'll do whatever we tell them for free. Next?
Over here. We all like baseball right? How about a three strikes and you're out rule? Three convictions in you're incarcerated for life? Robert…. You just brought a tear to my eye. You're like the son I never had. Brilliant.
Guys and gals, these are great ideas. This is been a great brainstorming session. You know our main goal is to keep the strongest of the sheeple down to break up the family unit at every turn. But this plan is missing one thing. The cherry on the sunday. The piece de resistance. They need to feel like they are getting a fair shake during this whole process. They need to feel like they are getting represented by the so-called lawyers or they will just revolt. But they can't be too good these lawyers. They need to be a lot of bad and a little good. We can call them "public defendants". And Lisa, get our best joke writers on it. I don't want them to be taken seriously in the least. Better Call Saul.
So enter the ambulance chasers. Enter the bottom feeders of this so-called noble profession. Overworked and underpaid. Massive caseloads. Most of them are not there to carry your case all the way through. They are there to settle, get your best deal and move on. Well guess what? Those convictions go on the record, and there goes your next job interview. There goes you getting a decent job to feed your family. Oh yeah I forgot, those smart bastards came up with background checks too. So whats a human sheep to do? Resort to selling drugs or rob a gas station? And the vicious cycle starts all over again.
But what if one man stands up? What if one man sees the injustice of the entire system?
This one man fights for the downtrodden of an unfair system. He sees the game is rigged. He sees that the bigger crime is not the deadhead smoking some weed, or the woman who can't find work and turns to prostitution, but the bigger crime is the entire judicial system that provides for and protects the haves and only punishes the have-nots. He sees the larger crime is the slavery of humanity. He has a conscience and that conscience is a pest. He is a light worker. Better Call Saul.
But after reading God's Astronaut, and hearing that during takeoff, the space shuttle's two solid rocket boosters uses roughly 500,000 kg (1.1 Mlb) of a 11-star perforated solid propellant cake ofAmmonium Perchlorate Composite Propellant (APCP - a mixture of of ammonium perchlorate, aluminium, iron oxide, PBAN or HTPB polymers, and an epoxy curing agent) each, that provided 124 seconds of burn time with a specific impulse (Isp) of 269 s that provided 12.5 MN of thrust per SRB and the external tank that came in three different configurations (mostly progressively reducing tank's own weight) capacity was 629,340 kg (1,387,457 lb) of cryogenic liquid oxygen (LOX) as the oxidizer and 106,261 kg (234,265 lb) of cryogenic liquid hydrogen (LH2) as the fuel components of the bipropellantLOX/LH2 that provided 480 seconds of burn time with specific impulse of 455 seconds, resulting in 5.45 MN of thrust at sea-level (for the Super Lightweight Tank or SLWT, the last and most advanced of the three versions used with STS).........Or to put it in terms we can grasp: a 100T note. Not 1 B. (In comedy that's called a callback) May I suggest a more prudent course of action?.... Better Call Jesus.
And that's the word