Thank you, S.Yael, for your heart-felt response to my Q&A posting.
May I share some thoughts?
I can absolutely reassure you that we are actually in a good place. It has been a roller coaster week without any doubt and hard not to tie into the doom and gloom feelings.
Let's talk about this crazy on and then off scenario.
It happens over and over. You hear a date suggested. You get your hopes up. It comes. It goes. The bottom drops out. You feel horrible. Repeat. One Christmas goes by. Another. Another. Repeat. Repeat. Etc.
Time rolls on. Still have bills to pay. Sickness from the stress kicks in. Loss of home looms.
Lifestyle downgrades. Real fear is there. Will this ruin me? How will I ever recover?
Events like the false roll call last week make you feel like you're being used. Now anger rises.
Blame game starts. Why are they doing this to me? Do these people not realize what it is like? Don't they know what they're asking of me?
Those quiet moments of desperation are really what this is all about.
Believe it or not, there is a worse place to be.
Those of you who have lived in true poverty or homelessness will know what I mean. It is the fear of this that is under everything, isn't it? What is it like to lose your home, your car, your job, perhaps everything that has identified who you are? Being homeless is bad enough, but facing not having food for your children is the very worst.
Most emerge from the experience crippled for life, swearing they will never go back there again. Scarred.
What gets you to the darkness is a pervasive feeling that you can't make it better; you can't change it. You have failed.
I beg to differ.
All of life, and I really mean all of life is based around this basic choice. Do we choose fear or courage? Hate and blame or love and light?
Love and light. What does that phrase mean, anyway?
It speaks to the purpose we are here. Forgive me for sharing my own philosophy, but how else does one comfort someone?
I realize this philosophy will never make it onto J. Byington's summary, yet it is the most important aspect of life. Where are we coming from? What gives us courage? What is success?
For just a moment, stand away from the fearful you. Now go one step further. Walk away far enough so that you can look back at that person. Do you see the slump of the shoulders? Do you see the stress laden body full of tension and despair. Do you see the hidden tears? That person is not the real you. That person is who this world has trained you to be.
Did you hear that? Do you want to be a stooge? Do you want to be a trained dog? Do you want someone else to decide who you are?
Reach inside and find that pure inner being who entered this earth space. Find that sparkle that is the spirit as you were made. Why, you are amazing! You are pure and light and goodness. You are not beaten down, you are shining. You came here to learn and to grow. You are actually pleasing the Creator beyond any doubt.
You have become a warrior. Under the dust of war is determination. Under the discouragement is a fierceness born of fire and adversity.
You are not your house or car or job. They do not define you; you define them.
All these things are simply tools to assist you in your journey here on Earth.
You are here to refine your spirit. To improve. To change. To become.
Start the other way around this time. Define the kind of person you want to be.
Bold? Courageous? A person people admire? Ethical? Taking the high ground? Bringing up those around you so that they are drawn to you? Family and friends turn to you instinctively. Respect for yourself becomes apparent. Exercise suddenly does matter.
Living life from where you want to be, helps to make better choices in the now.
How do we align these two very different perspectives?
With God's help, we can look with great realism at where we are. We can also have hope in how things can become.
It is my personal belief that He is the one that has designed this entire program. It is merely a playing out of good vs. evil on a very grand scale. The long and difficult path has changed every single one of us. Extreme financial difficulties and health issues are never desired. Death of a loved one or facing cancer do not seem like bonuses.
I believe that even such dire circumstances bring us good if we look through God's eyes.
I go back to this belief when I find myself frustrated with this process. It is so much bigger than a few days or whatever time frame it might be. If I pull back and realize that there are teams out there literally fighting to remove those bad guys so that I don't personally have to do it, I become very, very grateful. It is hard to fit trust back in the picture but that is what I have gained through it all. I choose to trust that the Grandfather is acting through promptings from a higher being. I trust that we will be able to handle major changes in our lives and ways of thinking, even if it involves beings from other worlds or not. I believe that we are to dig deep, reach in, reach out and make a difference. There is nothing He can't lead us through.
I discovered something years ago. I wasn't lively "purely". By that I mean that I wasn't even defining myself or thinking about what drove me. Others were telling me what I should be and do. I have never been unhappier. As a result, I chose what seemed logical to get me up the ladder to more money and more possessions. Only reasonable, right?
Except that I was missing any kind of deep meaning to drive me out of bed each day. Life gets really dreary that way.
I made a conscious choice to redefine myself. I put in time and effort to determine what kinds of strength and character I wanted to have. I created a blue print for my own movement into maturity. This involved making some major changes in my life. It was terrifying. It is hard to admit when we have made a major mistake. I have made plenty. I didn't like who I was married to, where I lived, my means of earning a paycheck, the way I worshipped. Nothing. I was dumpy and out of shape. Stress had more defined my body than genetics.
It has been a few years since I began the clean up process. It has been so tremendously difficult. I am still in process on many pieces of it.
There is one major difference.
I like myself. Even though I'm not there on everything, I love who I am and what I am trying to be. I am a constant work in progress. Improvement in this way makes me feel better and better about myself all the time.
It's interesting. I finally have respect. I had authority, now people willingly follow me. I have to laugh as I even have to watch myself and make certain my actions reach up to the expectations of those who know the "new" me. More and more it is automatic and I am hopeful that one day I won't even have a single thought that I wouldn't be proud to have seen by the world.
I have enormous pressure waiting for this GCR "moment". I need that 800 registration number to come out. It takes all my will to decide not to let it run my day or my attitude or my life.
I will wait.
I clearly and unequivocally know that I must. I am not in control of the ultimate timing, the details or the "why". This is truly a gift and in accepting that gift I accept the timing of it. Period.
In the meantime, I find prayer to be the greatest tool in battling that fear. I give to the Father my every ability and put in a maximum effort every day. I know that He will carry His share.
I know from inside Intel that we are right there. Things may be happening as I write and no one will need this pep talk. I decided to write it anyway. We have such a responsibility going forward to demonstrate a higher level of being and existence and work ethic as we begin our projects. We need to step up on our end and not just talk about making the world a better place. We need to make ourselves that better place and show it through every interaction that we have.
It is particularly tempting for some to sometimes be bitter on the Internet anonymously. It seems to be a feeling of "I'm just going to say what everyone is feeling anyway", like a big "I dare". This just isn't productive and I won't go there. I hope some will reconsider their efforts in that regard. I am particularly proud of Matt T. and watching his entire shift to such a positive outlook. Way to go.
So, if you are discouraged, I hope this lifts you. Be encouraged. Be reassured. These next few days are it. We will be in a different world next week and on our way, working away at our projects, I'm really feeling that way.
When the moment comes and the magic 800# is here, please, drop to your knees and say thank you, even before you dial. Let's honor the one who brought this all about.
You have NOT failed. If you have courage and integrity, you have succeeded.
In love and light,
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