The Magna Carta was re-signed this week by Republic President Carter Ham with Carter Oosterhouse making a practical yet elegant display frame out of recycled boat wood.
Iraq President Maliki has been arrested at Neiman Marcus in small in Dallas, Texas. He shoplifted nine lace water bras and attempted to bribe mall security with a suitcase full of IQD.
Hearing now that 127 members of the youth Brazilian band Menudo now own 3/5ths of all illegal Bush printed Dinar.
All cabal members of USA, Inc. Congress were allowed to redeem currency only if they were videotaped wearing yellow latex body suits whole singing "Rubber Duckie Your The One"' on camera. South Carolina's Lindsey Graham (R) was the only Senator not having to change outfits for his taping.
Metallica is handling all ZIM redemptions. Fucking-A-Right they are bitches!
ZAP just eclipsed Jerry Lewis as the number one fundraiser beggar in world history.
FOX's Megan Kelly is President Dunford's fiancée and toughest off air critic ironically.
RayRen reports and let's us decide 3x a week because his Jungian method therapist is deaf, dumb and blind thus it's impossible for him to know if Brother Tony is sitting, standing or shitting in Sing Sing.
Germany just bought Lithuania and Merkel threw in ten pounds of snitzengruben and a case of cherry schnapps to close the deal.
Mosul was just taken by a rogue VW van of hippies calling themselves "An Islamic Grateful Dead Tribute Band" with dark skin shading due to sun over-exposure at Burning Man.
The Admiral just went into ... the can in Reno. Again. Man that guy is regular.
Speaker of the House Paul Ryan is really Eddie Munster all grown up.
Phillip Tilton does a fifth of Jack Daniel's before every report he does with Gary Larrabee....go ahead Gary, pray us out!
Yosef is actually an ex-pro Scandinavian Croquet player who met Tank and Bewdah in rehab where the struggle was indeed real regardless of anything Yosef says.
Fisher is actually Dr House but lost the series because he was caught in his dressing room playing naked twister with Corey Goode and David Wilcock.
Dr WC now officially owns the phrase "Oh mah gutniss" and will collect royalties front here on out.
Bewdah is actually a 13 yr old girl with a deep voice
Tank wears his underwear on the outside and pretends to fight crime at night. He is currently seeking help.
Per WF management, it is inappropriate to giggle when discussing the size of your dong positions no matter how substantial. It's not the size, it's how you use it philanthropically.
Structured Exchange Pay Outs will be disbursed by Wells Fargo wagon deliver only. 35,000 horses and 6,000 carriage drivers have been pre-trained and right now are awaiting GPS riding orders in 1,500 North American stables.
President Barack Obama was actually born in Agartha not Kenya, and choose to live above ground because Michelle complained about bad inner earth cell phone service. Can you hear us now Barry?
Yes all Monopoly money will be in the first RV basket. Not sure about Community Chest cards--bring them to your exchange appointment anyway--just in case.
Grits will not be served in off site redemption centers. And yes everything bagels were chosen to replace hot wings last second.
Russian President Vladimir Putin did send foam nerf anti-aircraft missiles to the Syrian frontline in Aleppo as an April Fools joke. Sure 1,700 soldiers died, but the gag was hilarious. Vlad is such a stitch!
3,390 De La Rue counting machine staff were replaced because they wouldn't process VND on health grounds. All were very embarrassed when they found out later VND didn't stand for VeeNirial Disease.
12 Special Forces Ghost Assets were dismissed without pay when they admitted to not only buying ZIM, but also attempting to redeem it in the living room of VP Joe Biden at knife point.
Musician Prince died of waiting for the RV to start. He was a currency holder since 1999. So sad.
Frank bought his first Dinar at age 26. He and King Kamehameha started KTFA which is an acronym for Kamehameha Trust Fund Account.
Benjamin Netenyahoo reads all your emails. Hacked, my ass.
Gerry will keep his show post RV and feature guest speakers from Skoal, NASCAR and Browning rifles on rotation.
The rumor is true: Dr Clarke and Mountain Goat are romantically involved and bore a child named Iko.